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How to talk with a parent about aging and life adjustments
The challenge
As your parent ages, they may reach a point where they require assistance on a daily basis. This can be a sensitive and stressful challenge for everyone. Bringing up the conver- sation of aging, life adjustments and receiving care services can feel uncomfortable. Fortunately, we’ve got some solid advice that can help you start the conversation about getting assistance for your parent, while helping to assure them that this life change will actually help them stay independent.
Pick the right time to talk
It might be a good idea to head away from home, away from the weight of the situation for this type of conversation. Try going for a walk around the neighborhood or to lunch at a quiet café.
Approach the subject with empathy
Realize that this may be a difficult talk for your parent too. It’s important to listen, understand and validate their feelings. Avoid starting the conversation with your own worries and fears; venting your feelings to your parent will only overwhelm them more. Instead, approach the subject by communicating that getting assistance is in their best interest and will offer them enhanced safety, comfort and independent living at home.
Use questions to keep the conversation going
Pose open-ended questions to gain insights into what your parent is feeling. Use realistic situations to illustrate potential problems, like, “What if you were taking the laundry down to the basement and you fell?” If you can get your parent to do most of the talking, it will help them drive the conversation and any decisions.
Offer practical options
Do your homework so you know what options your parent has available to them in their area. Services that allow adults to remain at home may be less expensive and more comfortable than moving them into a senior living facility. According to AARP, 90% of seniors want to continue living in their own home as they age, often referred to as “aging in place.”
Help build caregiver relationships
Suggest care solutions in a way that helps your loved one understand it help will make life easier. Consider starting with concierge-type services, like grocery shopping or housework. This can help your parent build a trusting relationship with the caregiver service and become more open to receiving direct care services from those same people as they need it.
Strategically position the benefits
Point out that receiving assistance will make their life much easier, help them stay independent and give you more peace of mind. By diverting daily chores and tasks to an outside service, it frees up time for you and other family members to spend quality time with a parent.
Call in a friend or professional
Often, an aging parent needs to hear they need assistance from someone else, besides their adult children. Ask another adult your parent trusts and whose opinion they value, like an old family friend, religious leader, social worker or family physician to be part of the conversation.
Be prepared to try again
Remember that your parent may not be open to hearing your concerns just yet, and it may be a topic you have to approach more than once. Just be patient and be prepared to try again at a later date.
A Solution: SameAddress
SameAddress provides in-home care and concierge services for older adults who choose to age at home. When needed, a SameAddress repre- sentative can help facilitate a positive family discussion that supports the best outcome for active older adults. As a program of the non-profit Area Agency on Aging, the company is backed by more than 40 years of expertise connecting older adults with the support and services they need to live safely and comfortably at home.
To learn more about SameAddress call 866-SENIOR-1 (866-736-4671) or visit www.sameaddress.com.